Dating and Romance Scams: Protecting Yourself from Manipulation and Fraud Online


This increasingly digital age has brought numerous benefits to our lives, including the ability to connect with potential romantic partners through dating websites and social media platforms. However, the rise of online romance-seeking has also created a concerning opportunity for fraudsters – dating and romance scams. Scammers exploit the vulnerability and trust of individuals seeking love and companionship, causing emotional and financial distress. In this comprehensive guide, we’ll delve into the world of dating and romance scams, providing you with insights on how to spot these scams, the ‘red flags’ to watch out for, how romance and dating scams work, and what steps to take if you suspect you’ve encountered a scammer, or have already fallen victim to one.

Part 1: Understanding Dating and Romance Scams

1.1 What are Dating and Romance Scams?

In the huge landscape of online dating and social media, dating and romance scams have emerged as a significant threat to individuals seeking genuine connection and companionship. These scams a perpetrated by devious, cunning individuals who prey on the emotional vulnerability and desire for love, of others. They create fake personas and forge emotional connections with their targets, leading them to believe they have found a potential romantic partner.

Scammers meticulously craft their online profiles to appear charming, attractive, and seemingly ideal. They often use stolen photographs, stock images, or even photos of real people to construct their deceptive characters. Armed with these fictitious identities, scammers venture into various dating platforms and social media channels, where they search for their unsuspecting victims.

The emotional and financial fallout of these evil scams can be huge. Just imagine thinking you’ve found your perfect partner, only for them to turn out to be nothing more than a scammer taking you for a ride – and trying to take you for everything you have.

1.2 The Mechanics of a Romance Scam

A romance scam typically unfolds in several stages, each strategically designed to manipulate the victim and secure financial gain for the scammer. Understanding these stages is crucial for recognizing and avoiding falling prey to such fraudulent schemes.

Stage 1: Initiation and Grooming

At the beginning of the scam, the fraudster initiates contact with their potential victim. This can occur on dating websites, social media platforms, or even through email or text message. The scammer will target individuals who appear open to forming romantic relationships, and exploit their desire for love and companionship.

To establish rapport and trust, scammers use a technique known as “love bombing.” They inundate their targets with an overwhelming amount of affection, compliments, and attention. The constant flattery and expressions of interest are designed to create an emotional attachment between the scammer and their victim.

During this grooming phase, the scammer invests time in getting to know their target’s personal interests, desires, and vulnerabilities. They ask seemingly innocent questions to extract valuable information, which they later use to craft convincing stories and emotional appeals.

Stage 2: Building the Emotional Connection

As the relationship progresses, the scammer deepens the emotional bond with their victim. They may share personal stories, express vulnerability, and even claim to have fallen deeply in love. The scammer seeks to make the victim believe that they are uniquely special and the only one who truly understands and cares for them.

By forging this strong emotional connection, the scammer further manipulates the victim’s feelings, making them more susceptible to later requests for financial assistance.

Stage 3: The Request for Money

Once the scammer believes the emotional bond is sufficiently strong, they introduce a financial crisis or urgent need. This is the critical moment when the scammer requests money from their victim. Common scenarios include medical emergencies, travel expenses to meet in person, or unexpected financial setbacks.

The scammer may fabricate elaborate tales of tragedy, claiming to be in dire situations that require immediate financial help. They often cite reasons such as a family member’s illness, a business venture gone wrong, or a sudden job loss. In one particularly cynical version of the scam, the scammer may even claim to have themselves been the victim of fraud.

In their requests, scammers use emotional manipulation to make the victim feel responsible for the scammer’s well-being. Victims may feel compelled to help due to the love and concern they believe they share with the scammer.

Stage 4: Financial Exploitation

Once the victim agrees to provide financial assistance, the scammer has achieved their primary goal of financial exploitation. They may continue to make further requests for money, citing additional emergencies or unexpected expenses.

In some cases, scammers coerce their victims into participating in illegal activities, such as becoming money mules. A money mule is someone who unknowingly assists the scammer by receiving and transferring money or goods acquired through criminal means.

Stage 5: Discovery and Emotional Fallout

As time passes, some victims begin to suspect that they may be involved in a romance scam. They may notice inconsistencies in the scammer’s stories, become aware of the lack of progress in the relationship, or start to receive warnings from friends or family.

Realising that one has been deceived and manipulated can lead to a profound emotional fallout for victims. Feelings of betrayal, embarrassment, and shame are common. It’s much easier said than done, but scam victims should never blame themselves for being tricked by professional con artists. Victims might also struggle with a sense of loss, grieving for a relationship they believed they had with the scammer. The emotional impact of romance scams can be devastating.

In the aftermath of a romance scam, victims face the challenging task of rebuilding their emotional well-being and, in some cases, financial stability. Seeking support from friends, family, or professional counsellors can be crucial in getting through this difficult period.

Part 2: How to Spot Dating and Romance Scams

Now that we’ve seen what romance and dating scams are, let’s dive into how to spot them by considering some of the key features of a typical romance scam.

2.1 Profile Discrepancies

Scammers rely on fake personas to deceive their victims, so it’s essential to be vigilant when assessing online dating profiles. Look for inconsistencies or ‘red flags’ that might indicate a fraudulent profile:

  • Unrealistic Photos: Scammers often use attractive or professional-looking images that may appear too good to be true. Perform a reverse image search on their profile pictures to check if the images are stolen from other websites or real social media accounts.
  • Inconsistent Information: Pay attention to any discrepancies in the information provided in their profile. Scammers may forget or mix up details about their age, occupation, location, or interests. After all, keeping track of multiple lies made to multiple people can be hard!
  • Limited Photos: A lack of photos or an absence of pictures depicting everyday life could be a sign of a scammer using stock photos or otherwise trying to avoid revealing their true circumstances, or their identity.

2.2 Hastiness to Move Offline

Scammers prefer to conduct their schemes away from the safety measures and moderators of dating platforms. If an individual insists on moving the conversation to personal messaging apps or email too quickly, take it as a warning sign. Legitimate connections often involve gradual and organic communication within the dating platform as trust is established.

2.3 Declarations of Love Unexpectedly Quickly

Romantic relationships typically take time to develop naturally (‘love at first sight’ might be a real thing, but it’s very much the exception rather than the norm!). Be cautious if someone professes love or strong feelings for you after only a short period of online interaction. Genuine connections tend to be built upon shared experiences and require getting to know each other over time.

2.4 Requests for Money or Financial Assistance

One of the most significant red flags in dating and romance scams is the request for money or financial support. Scammers employ various tactics to elicit money from their victims, including:

  • Emergency Situations: Scammers may claim to be in dire emergencies, such as accidents, sudden illnesses, or being stranded in a foreign country, and ask for financial help.
  • Travel Expenses: Scammers often use the pretext of planning to meet in person to ask for money to cover travel expenses.
  • Financial Hardships: They might fabricate stories of financial hardships, job loss, or unpaid bills to gain sympathy and seek financial assistance.

Be cautious of any requests for money, gifts, or financial support, especially if you have not yet met in person.

2.5 Reluctance to Meet in Person

Scammers often avoid meeting in person because their true identity and intentions will be exposed. They may make excuses, such as travel restrictions, work commitments, or personal emergencies, to avoid meeting face-to-face. If someone consistently avoids in-person meetings despite having expressed a deep emotional connection, consider it a big red warning sign.

This segues us neatly into…

Part 3: Red Flags to Look Out For

3.1 Sob Stories and Emergencies

Scammers use sob stories and tales of tragic events to evoke sympathy and manipulate their victims emotionally. These stories often serve as a pretext for requesting financial assistance. Be wary of individuals who share elaborate tales of sudden crises or hardships, especially if they ask for money shortly after ‘disclosing’ these events.

3.2 Inconsistent Details

As scammers maintain multiple fake personas, they may struggle to keep track of all the lies they’ve told. As a result, they may inadvertently provide inconsistent details about their life, background, or personal history. Pay attention to any discrepancies in their stories, as this can be a clear warning sign of a potential scam.

3.3 Refusal to Use Video Calls

A reluctance or refusal to use real-time video communication can be a warning sign of a scam. Scammers may avoid video calls, claiming technical difficulties; a lack of access to a camera, or poor internet connectivity. Refusing to engage in video calls can be a tactic to conceal their true identity or to avoid being identified as a fraud.

3.4 Reluctance to Share Personal Information

While maintaining privacy is essential in online dating, scammers may be overly secretive about sharing any personal information. They may avoid divulging basic details, such as their full name, address, or workplace, to prevent being traced back to their real identity. It’s also possible that they will provide details that later turn out to be false, or stolen from unsuspecting real people.

3.5 Multiple Profiles

Scammers often operate multiple profiles across various dating platforms using different names and personas to target multiple victims simultaneously. If you notice similar profiles with different names but the same images, or suspect that someone might be using multiple identities on one platform, exercise extreme caution. Report your suspicions to the dating website so their moderation teams can investigate, and take action for any policy violations.

Part 4: How Dating and Romance Scams Work

We’ve taken a brief look at what dating scams are, how to spot them, and red flags to watch out for. Now let’s take a deeper dive into how they work. Armed with this knowledge, you’ll be better prepared for any attempts to deceive you into falling for a romance scam.

4.1 Grooming and Building Trust

Dating and romance scammers invest considerable time and effort into grooming their victims. They strategically employ clever psychological manipulation and emotional tactics to create a deep emotional connection with their targets. This grooming process involves several stages:

  • Love Bombing: Scammers inundate their victims with constant affection, compliments, and expressions of love. They shower their targets with attention, making them feel valued, cherished, and desired. This overwhelming display of affection is designed to create a sense of intimacy and emotional dependency.
  • Empathy Manipulation: Scammers exploit their victims’ empathy and compassion by sharing personal stories of hardship or vulnerability. They may present themselves as individuals who have experienced past traumas or difficult life circumstances, evoking sympathy and a desire to help.
  • Building Trust: Over time, scammers gradually build trust with their victims. They demonstrate unwavering support, actively listen to their concerns, and offer reassurance. This trust-building process is instrumental in convincing victims to believe in the authenticity of the relationship.

4.2 Requesting Money and Gifts

Once the scammer has successfully groomed their victim and established a strong emotional bond, they introduce financial hardships or urgent needs into the narrative. They create scenarios that require immediate financial assistance, exploiting their victims’ empathy and compassion.

Common ways scammers request money include:

  • Medical Emergencies: Scammers claim to be facing critical medical situations and desperately need funds to cover private medical expenses.
  • Travel Expenses: Scammers use the pretext of planning a meeting in person to request money for travel arrangements.
  • Financial Setbacks: They may fabricate stories of unexpected financial crises; job loss; bills they can’t pay, or even claiming to have been scammed, seeking financial support under the guise of resolving their troubles.

Scammers play on their victims’ emotions, making them feel responsible for the well-being of a person they have grown to care deeply about. Victims may feel compelled to help, believing that their assistance can alleviate the scammer’s hardships and make their (fictitious) relationship stronger.

4.3 Money Mule Schemes

In some cases, dating and romance scammers might try to involve their victims in illegal activities, such as acting as money mules. A money mule is an unsuspecting individual who facilitates the transfer of money obtained through criminal means, often completely without realising the illicit nature of their actions.

Scammers may convince their victims to receive and transfer funds on their behalf, claiming various justifications, such as needing assistance with overseas transactions or personal emergencies. Unwittingly, the victims become conduits for the scammer’s illicit financial activities, making them accomplices in criminal acts.

Involvement in money mule schemes can have severe legal consequences for victims, leading to investigations and potential criminal charges. It is crucial to be cautious and avoid engaging in any financial transactions on behalf of individuals you meet online, especially if they have requested the use of your bank account or personal information.

Part 5: What to Do If You Suspect a Scam

So, you think you’re being targeted, or suspect a fraudulent profile? In this section we’ll discuss what to do about it.

5.1 Cease Communication

If you suspect that you are involved in a dating or romance scam, the first and most crucial step is to cease all communication with the individual immediately. Stop responding to their messages, block them on the dating platform and any personal messaging apps you may have used to communicate. Cutting off contact is essential to protect yourself from further emotional manipulation and potential financial exploitation.

Remember, if a scammer thinks you might be on to them, they might turn nasty. Personal details such as ‘secrets’ you told them during your period of contact become weapons to be used against you. Cutting the scammer out completely helps to avoid blackmail attempts and further emotional and psychological manipulation.

5.2 Report the Scam

After ending communication with the suspected scammer, report the incident to the dating site or social media platform where you encountered them. Most reputable platforms have reporting mechanisms in place, as well as moderation and review processes to help protect their users from fraudulent activity. By reporting the scam, you not only safeguard yourself but also help to protect others from falling victim to the same deceptive scheme.

5.3 Notify Authorities

If you believe you have been financially impacted by the scam, it is essential to report the incident to the relevant authorities. Contact the UK’s national fraud reporting centre, Action Fraud, at File a report with them, providing as much information as possible, including any communications you had with the scammer, their profile details, and any evidence of financial transactions.

5.4 Seek Support

Discovering that you have been targeted by a dating or romance scam can be extremely emotionally distressing. Don’t suffer alone – and don’t feel ashamed. Reach out to friends, family, or seek therapy to share your experience and seek emotional support. Talking to others can help process your feelings, alleviate any shame or embarrassment, and provide a fresh perspective on the situation, making it an important part of the healing process.

5.5 Preserve Evidence

If you have suffered financial loss, preserve all evidence related to the scam. This evidence includes messages, emails, and any financial transactions or documents associated with the scammer. The evidence may be crucial in assisting Action Fraud in their investigation, or helping you in potential efforts to recover lost funds.

Part 6: Recovering From Romance Scams

If you have been unfortunate enough to fall victim to a romance scammer, it can be an emotionally draining experience. The road to recovery – especially regaining the ability to trust – can be difficult. The information in this part can help point you in the right direction.

6.1 Financial Recovery

If you have suffered financial losses due to a dating or romance scam, contact your bank or credit card provided immediately. Inform them about the fraudulent activity and provide them with the necessary information to investigate the transactions. Depending on the circumstances, there may be a possibility of recovering some or all of the lost funds.

6.2 Emotional Healing

Recovering from the emotional impact of a romance scam can be challenging. Give yourself time to process the experience and acknowledge any feelings of betrayal or vulnerability. Seek support from friends, family, or professional counsellors to help you through the healing process. Remember, you are not alone, and seeking support is an essential step toward emotional well-being.

One way to turn the negative experience of being scammed into a positive way to help others might be to share your experiences. Check out the National Trading Standards Team’s ‘Friends Against Scams’ website for further details. This page of their website has advice and information specific to romance scams.

6.3 Protecting Yourself in the Future

While the experience of falling victim to a romance scam can be distressing, it also offers valuable lessons in protecting yourself in the future. Remember – once bitten, twice shy! Maintain a healthy level of scepticism in online interactions, especially with individuals you have not met in person. Be cautious about sharing personal information and never provide financial assistance to someone you have only met online.

It’s important to remember that tens of thousands of people do manage to meet that special someone online. Don’t let an evil scammer stop you from being one of them.

Instead, carry on looking for love, but be sure to prioritise your safety by taking the following precautions:

  • Stay on the Platform: Keep communication within the dating platform until you have built sufficient trust with the person.
  • Verify Their Identity: Conduct a reverse image search on profile pictures to ensure they are not stolen from elsewhere.
  • Video Calls: Request and engage in real-time video calls to confirm the person’s identity and assess their authenticity.
  • Meet in Public: If you decide to meet in person, arrange to do so in a public place and inform a friend or family member of your plans.
  • Trust Your Instincts: If something feels not quite right or seems too good to be true, trust your instincts and proceed with extra caution.

In Summary

Dating and romance scams are an especially cruel type of fraud that presents real dangers in the digital age. Protecting yourself from manipulation and fraud is essential for UK residents seeking love and companionship online. As we bring our comprehensive guide to romance and dating scams to a close, let’s recap some key insights, empowering you with the knowledge required to navigate the path to safer online dating.

1. Be Vigilant and Trust Your Instincts

Maintaining a vigilant approach to online interactions is crucial. Trust your instincts and remain cautious when engaging with individuals you have not met in person. If something feels suspicious or too good to be true, take the time to verify their authenticity before proceeding further.

2. Guard Your Personal Information

Protecting your personal information is vital to safeguarding your privacy and security. Avoid sharing sensitive details like your home address, financial information, or personal stories and secrets with individuals you meet online. Scammers may use such information for fraudulent purposes, identity theft, or emotional blackmail.

3. Stay Within the Dating Platform

Keep your conversations within the dating platform until you have built a significant level of trust with the person. Moving to personal messaging apps or email too quickly may expose you to potential risks outside the platform’s dedicated safety measures.

4. Video Calls for Verification

Request and engage in real-time video calls with your potential matches. Video calls provide an opportunity to verify the person’s identity and ensure they are who they claim to be. This simple step can help you spot fake profiles and reduce the risk of falling victim to a scam.

5. Report Suspicious Activity

If you encounter suspicious profiles or suspect that you may be in contact with a scammer, report the incident to the dating platform or social media site immediately. Reporting such activity not only protects you but also helps protect other users from falling prey to deceptive schemes.

6. Seek Support and Share Experiences

If you suspect you have encountered a dating or romance scam or have fallen victim to one, remember that you are certainly not alone. Reach out to friends, family, or seek professional support to share your experience and discuss your emotions. Talking about your experience can help you process your feelings, alleviate shame or embarrassment, and provide valuable insights to others.

7. Financial Security Matters

Protecting your financial security should always be a priority. Never send money to individuals you have only met online, regardless of their sob stories or supposed emergencies! Genuine romantic partners would not place you in financially compromising situations.

8. Learn from the Experience

While encountering a dating or romance scam can be distressing, view it as an opportunity to learn and grow. Recognize the red flags and techniques employed by scammers, and use this knowledge to strengthen your defences against future threats.

9. Trust is Earned

Remember that genuine relationships are built on trust and mutual respect. Developing emotional connections takes time, and true partners will respect your boundaries and invest in nurturing the relationship organically.

10. Stay Positive and Hopeful

While dating and romance scams are not uncommon, it is essential not to let fear discourage you from seeking meaningful connections online. Countless successful relationships and marriages have originated through online platforms. Approach online dating with an open heart, stay positive, and cherish the possibilities of finding genuine love.

By embracing these guidelines and insights, you can navigate the world of online dating with greater confidence and awareness. As technology evolves, so too do the tactics of scammers, but with knowledge, caution, and the right support, you can protect yourself from falling victim to the manipulation and fraud of romance scammers. Embrace the exciting journey of online dating while prioritizing your emotional well-being and security, and may your pursuit of love be a fulfilling and rewarding one.